How often do you hear people (or yourself) say such phrases – No one cares about me. No one loves me.

I am here to tell you that this is untrue. There’s always someone who cares about you, even when the whole world seems against you. That person is you. Allow me to elaborate.

Question: What is you?

As it turns out, at any given point of time there are two forms of you. The first form is the sum total of your life experiences, your values, your work and whatever makes you the unique person that you are. This is the steady state you.

The second form of you is the mental state that you are in at this moment. You may be in panic at this moment as you are about to lose your job, or sad because your pet is sick, or thrilled because your favorite soccer team won. While this is also you, it does not represent the actual you. This is a transient you. It is your state of mind only today and now, but does not represent the steady state you.

The steady state you is the actual you. The transient you feels more real, but in a few days, or even as early as tomorrow or later today, it will change to a different state. Even if the transient you takes months to get out of this current issue, it is still transient in the overall timeline of your life.

The mistake we make is that we think that the transient us is the real us. This is not true.

So why is this a useful bit of information?

First: Because understanding that the transient you is not alone and not all powerful will bring you peace. Understand that any momentary feeling that you are experiencing today is a teeny tiny bit of information that has been added to the steady state you. It is likely going to make no change to the overall steady state you.

Second: If you understand this truth, by logic, you have found a friend. The steady state you. Keeping the steady state you in mind makes you realize that the transient you is not alone.

Let me give you a small proof that the steady state you is indeed your friend. When you said “No one cares about me,” you have actually exhibited care for yourself. You cared enough to articulate this idea, right? So, care has already happened. You have nurtured yourself. The only issue is that you failed to recognize this fact. You did not notice that you had already exhibited self care and self love. Recognize this. One way to organize your thought would be to think that the steady state you exhibited care to the current, agitated, transient you.

Recognizing yourself as your friend is an all powerful thought. If you start drawing strength from yourself, you stand tall. You are able to calmly shut down criticism to your self. Allow the steady state you come to the defense of the transient you. Do not allow the transient you to defend yourself. This is because the transient you is agitated and can’t think straight.

When you have practiced the skill of defending yourself through thoughtless criticisms, you will find people getting attracted toward you. Take their new found admiration with a pinch of salt, just as you take their criticism. Do not let it affect you or get complacent. This will disturb the steady state you, and make you less able to take care of the transient you in times of trouble.

One last thing: The way that the transient you deals with life’s challenges will determine how powerful the steady state you will be. A steady state you that has been built out of falsehoods cannot support you adequately. If you want a strong friend in the steady state you, you must work through each challenge that the transient you faces with truth, courage and a fight. If you do this, you will have a powerful ally that will guide you through life.