Kylo Ren, the dog: Extract as many treats from Mom during walks, sleep on couches as often as possible, bring new and exciting presents every time a family member enters the house, focus on treats instead of barking when passing a dog during walk. And, learn to love quinoa since Mom seems hell bent on feeding it to me.

Paisley, the chicken: Scream first, think later. Run when a human comes anywhere nearby, even if the said human hadn’t noticed me at all. And if the said human still managed to miss my presence, flutter wings and fly about creating maximum drama. Enjoy watching the said human’s surprised face.

Oreo, the chicken: Fatten up. Eat as much as possible. Cozy up with humans, let them know we are friends, not food. Be the big, lovable, friendly chicken. Stay in Lazy Laurie’s good books, even if it means ditching my old friend, Paisley.

Crazy Cookie, the chicken: Win the chicken of the year race every time. Be the human’s top pick for outdoor trips, be it school, the arts festival, or just a walk around the block. Play it cool.

Lazy Laurie, the chicken: Always, always, stay on top of the pecking order. Even at the ripe old age of ten, let the other ladies know who rules. Take care of every chicken, even the little Paisley. Do not fear anyone, not even the big man from the human house. Eat everything in sight.